Introduction: The End

It began with a twitch. And ended with everything unraveling. This is a story about ambition, marriage, betrayal, diagnosis, and the quiet devastation of ALS. But it’s also about the choices we make when time runs out… and what remains when everything else falls away. If you’ve ever faced a truth too heavy to hold, or a life cracking open too soon—this is for you.

Introduction: The Valley

After so much chasing, I finally found stillness. This cottage in a steep green valley—with its stone walls, wide windows, and birdsong—has become my last sanctuary. A place to watch, to listen, and to begin saying goodbye. This reflection is about home. Not as escape, but as embrace. A final classroom. A final breath of grace.

Introduction: First Year

In the first year after my diagnosis, I planted lavender, towed a teardrop trailer across the East Coast with my son, built a billion-dollar company, and studied the soul’s terrain from my kitchen table. I knew the clock was ticking. So I chose to live—deeply, honestly, and all the way through. This reflection is about fatherhood, fortitude, and finding wonder even in the narrowing.

Introduction: Second Year

One winter morning, I fell on the ice—and couldn’t get up. That moment marked the end of something… and the beginning of something else. This piece is about losing the last pieces of independence, the arrival of a tattooed caregiver named Mark, and a children’s book I wrote for grandchildren I’ll never meet. It’s about legacy. Lightness. And the slow, sacred weight of a feather.

Introduction: Third Year

This winter marks my third in the valley—and my third inside a body growing still. What began as a stumble has become a quiet unraveling. And yet, while my strength fades, something else opens: presence, clarity, light. This is not just a story of loss. It’s the end of story itself. Come sit with me in the stillness—where words fall away and something deeper remains.

Winter Journal: Light

The valley teaches in light. Each season arrives with its own voice—spring’s honey-gold promise, summer’s restless shimmer, autumn’s amber hush, winter’s quiet charcoal. From my stillness, I see it all more clearly now. Every leaf. Every shadow. Every tender change. This reflection is about watching the year turn from a wheelchair—and realizing light is always writing love letters across the walls.

Winter Journal: Deer

Each morning, the deer return. I watch them through my window—daughters grooming mothers, fawns testing new legs. For years, I thought I knew them. I even named one. But lately, I’ve begun to see more clearly. This piece is about how nothing truly disappears. Not the deer. Not the stream. Not even us. Everything returns. Everything flows.

Winter Journal: Cold Snap

The snow is gone. But the cold remains. This reflection is about what winter strips away— how frost cracks the seed, breaks the stem, and scatters silk on the wind. Nothing blooms without a breaking. The universe waits in the split pod, the frozen bird, the hollow stalk bending to soil.

Winter Journal: Hunger Moon

The deer come at dusk, ribs showing, coats dull. The hunger moon rises. The carrion birds gather. This is a meditation on the sharp edge of late winter— where bare branches, bones, and longing all speak the same truth: Don’t look away. Even now, there is beauty. Even now, everything belongs.

Spring Journal: Betrayal

We thought spring had arrived. But last night, snow returned—quietly rewriting everything in white. This piece is about late snow, broken expectations, and the sorrow of things not going to plan. But also about what happens when we release the map, and simply notice the cardinal in the laurel.

Spring Journal: Two, yet not two

The valley awakens in purple fire. Snow crocuses rise from frost-heaved ground—tiny, defiant, luminous. This reflection is about early blooms, a single honeybee, and the deep magic that binds them. Two, yet not two. Flower and bee. Light and earth. You and the world. Spring begins here.

Spring Journal: Fog

Fog changes everything. Sound sharpens. Edges blur. The sky comes down to rest in the valley like a sleeping cat. This reflection is about cloud-walking at ground level— a world remade in white linen, where even thorns wear jewels and every birdcall feels close enough to touch.

Spring Journal: Double

Today, between storm clouds and sunlight, a double rainbow arched above the valley. Sharp and vivid at first, then slowly dissolving into watercolor softness before vanishing entirely. A reminder of how beauty arrives suddenly, intensely, and briefly— impossible to hold, perfect in its passing.

Spring Journal: The Joke

The groundhogs don’t know the stream floods. They just dig. Sip. Rest. Begin again. This piece is about watching them work— And realizing we do the same. We build our lives beside a stream that will rise and sweep it all away. But in that certainty, there’s freedom. In that impermanence, a strange lightness. What if falling… is just another word for flight?

Summer Journal: Career

I’ve spent my life planning. Careers. Companies. Calorie counts. Futures I may never see. This piece is about the joy of the game— and the quiet wisdom that comes when you realize the sun is setting on the field. Play hard. Play well. Then step off into starlight, laughter, and mosquitoes.

Summer Journal: Thicket

My daughter has returned home. A new husband. Two quiet cats. We find ourselves together in a season of transition— between continents, between careers, between life and death. This reflection is about catbirds, tangled margins, and the wild grace of transition. Where the stable gives way to the shifting. Where nothing endures, and everything grows. We are all dwellers of the thicket— becoming, dissolving, blooming again.

Summer Journal: This Bright Stillness

The valley wakes in song. Cicadas, hummingbirds, dew-laced grass. A breath, a breeze. A moment. This reflection is about letting go of clocks and stories— and stepping into the luminous stillness beneath it all. No coming. No going. No loss. Only this sunlit sea. Only now.

Autumn Journal: All is Well

Day by day, the self erodes—yet what remains is luminous. Hands falter, dignity fades, memories scatter like leaves. But beneath this gradual dissolution is a vast stillness, beyond stories and names, beyond loss and forgetting. This reflection is about the quiet radiance that emerges as the familiar self washes away— revealing something timeless and unbreakable. All is well.

Autumn Journal: Fullness

The first true autumn morning arrived, carried on cool air and chickadee song. This reflection is about the season of fullness— when summer’s fire fades, fruit falls, and the world prepares to empty itself. But not yet. Not yet.

Autumn Journal: Black Walnut

They fall like green cannonballs—Black Walnuts pounding the forest floor, their hard gifts wrapped in bitterness and dye. This reflection is about what grows in consequence— how every squirrel, fern, fox, and fallen nut tells a deeper story of unity, shaped by starlight, soil, and time. Wait. Let the husk rot. Crack the shell. Light waits within.

Twilight Journal